Navigating Emotions and Finding Balance
In a world where kindness and consideration for others are highly valued, being a people pleaser can sometimes be both a virtue and a challenge. People pleasers are those individuals who
constantly put others’ needs before their own, often seeking approval and validation from those around them. While this characteristic reflects a compassionate nature, it can lead to emotional turmoil and self-neglect.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Being a people pleaser often involves a wide range of emotions,
from an initial good feeling for making someone happy to anger, frustration, the obligation of I must do it because I don’t want to upset them, from the initial gratification of making others happy
to the eventual burnout and emotional exhaustion, the journey
can be both rewarding and taxing. The constant worry about
disappointing others and the fear of rejection can create a complex dynamic landscape. Is everything terrible in being a people pleaser? No, people pleasers can:
Create Strong Connections : People pleasers often build deep and meaningful relationships due to empathy. They excel at understanding the needs of others and offering support.
Enhanced Empathy : Being attuned to the emotions of those around them, people pleasers develop a heightened sense of empathy, making them excellent listeners and confidantes.
The Downsides of Being a People Pleaser
Self-Neglect : People pleasers tend to prioritise others’ needs above their own, leading to neglect of their well-being, both physically and emotionally.
Anxiety and Stress : The constant pressure to meet others’ expectations can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, impacting overall mental health.
Navigating Towards Balance
Finding balance is crucial for individuals on the journey of being a
people pleaser. It’s important to remember that caring for oneself is not selfish but necessary for overall well-being.
Setting Boundaries
Learning to say NO and setting healthy boundaries is a significant
step. It’s okay to decline overwhelming requests or interfere with personal commitments.
Self-Reflection
Engaging in self-reflection helps people pleasers understand their motivations and triggers. By identifying patterns and learning from experiences, they can make informed decisions.
Seeking Support
It’s essential for people pleasers to seek support from friends, family, or even professional therapists. Talking about feelings and concerns can provide a fresh perspective and valuable guidance.
Here are some of the most common Frequently Asked Questions about People Pleasers
Can people pleasers change their behaviour?
Yes, with self-awareness and effort, people pleasers can gradually change their behaviour and establish healthier emotional boundaries. First, take responsibility for being a people pleaser; it is not bad, it is not good, it just is. Then start reading books, watching Youtube videos, learning about it and practising in your rhythm; start with what you can say no to and what you can say yes to. If you can say no to your close ones, friends, or strangers for something you feel makes you uncomfortable, start with that. If taking 5 minutes to be with yourself is something you can say yes to, start with that.
Is it wrong to prioritise others' happiness?
While prioritising others is admirable, it's essential not to neglect one's happiness and well-being. Dalai Lama said "If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others." Learn who you are, your values, hobbies, limits, and weaknesses because the more you learn about yourself, the better you can love yourself, love others and bring happiness in their lives.
How can I overcome the fear of disappointing others?
Overcoming this fear requires gradual exposure and self - compassion. Recognise that it's impossible to please everyone all the time. Help someone to the extent of you not neglecting yourself; for example, if a friend asks you to listen to him because he is going through a difficult time, can be at a job or in a relationship, be there for them, listen to them, but if you have a planned hour to work at your business, or an hour to do something you love, don't postpone, a true friend understands that you have your own needs and schedule. After that hour, you will be back to be there with them.
We constantly learn to balance everything, from food and sleep to relationships. That is the key to a happy life.
The journey of a people pleaser is complex and filled with a range of emotions and challenges. While the desire to make others happy is commendable, it’s crucial to strike a balance between selflessness and self-care. By setting boundaries, engaging in self-reflection, and seeking support, people pleasers can embark on a path of emotional growth and resilience. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise your well-being and happiness along the way.
